One Woman...Too Many Pounds

I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I grew up fat and in college I became Morbidly Obese! I was able to loose over 70lbs on my own with diet and exercise in my early twenties. Unfortunately; I encountered a major setback for me...a cheating boyfriend; which led me to stop going to the gym and I, again, used food for comfort. At my heaviest I was over 320lbs. The day I had gastric bypass surgery (5-5-05) I weight 292.2 lbs. After surgery I lost 108# at my lowest weight; which also happened to be when I met my husband. I would bounce back and forth about 20lbs and the day I was engaged (1.18.09) I weighed 210 lbs. I joined the gym and knew I needed and wanted to loose weight before my wedding. The day of my wedding (8.14.09) I weighed 192lbs, when I came home from my honey moon 1 week later I weight 184lbs! I felt sexy and thin and happy. Oct 26th 2009 I had gained about 10-15 lbs back and had a positive pregnancy test. Our beautiful blessing; Emma Paige Morris was born 6.19.10. I gained 65+ lbs during my pregnancy, weighing in at 265lbs the day I delievered. 3.5 months later I got back on my weight loss goals and lost 20lbs immediately. My baby girl is now 8 months old and I am STUCK at 222.2 lbs! I am 18lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight (well first trimester weight really) and 40lbs away from my post-honeymoon weight. I am struggling with this journey and thought maybe, maybe I can find kindred souls to share this journey with and maybe even help others in the process. I really, Really wanted to be back to my post-honeymoon weight on my 2yr anniversary (8.14.11). That date is only 5.5 months away; approximately 8lbs a month. Seems resonable but I am struggling. Please Join me on my journey. Share your own; commiserate with me and lets support each other as we become healthy and active. I know I will never be a skinny-minnie, I will probably never wear a size smaller than 12-14; but I want and need to be healthy and active for my little girl. I do NOT want to be an embarraseement to her; like my parents were/are to me because of their size, health, and inactivity.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Excuses

What do we do when all the excuses are used up and gone?  Facing the facts would be a good idea.  I am FAT.  I'm not fluffy...well I am; I mean if you poke me there...or here...or there; I'm fluffy.  Yes, I'm plump but I'm not sure who it's pleasing.  Yes my husband does have a nack for shrinking clothing..but I'm still not loosing weight and he can only shrink so much!  Yes school, clinicals, work...they are all stressfull ...but they aren't an excuse for me to eat whatever is around or whatever I want.

I can't keep making up excuses!  I am FAT.  I am OBESE.  This IS NOT healthy.  I DO NOT feel good about myself.  I WANT to feel sexy, healthy, thin.  I WANT to run and play with my daughter as she grows.  Why..WHY! can't I control myself. 

I have lost weight...and gained it back...and lost it again...and gained some of it back.

I've been pregnant and I caved in to every...EVERY craving I had.  and I shoudln't have; because now I'm paying for it

I am sorry if this is TMI for some, but I don't feel sexy,  I dont want to have intimate relations with my husband because I...I  feel disgusting.  These rolls; they aren't sexy.  The jiggles, and the  rolls, ick...and my breasts...OMG not good!

I need to get back on track!   I need to focus on health.  I need to stop stuffing my face when I'm feeling down or depressed and do something else...I need some damn support.

Who's with me?  Who wants to join me on this journey?  We can do it.  Together; we can help encourage, support, and sympathize with one another....

Let's do it...let's get healthy!
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5 comments:

  1. rasMarch 1, 2011 at 6:00 AM

    That is exactly how I felt after I had my daughter. I never lost the weight after my son and then had number 2. I was eating like I was still pregnant and even then I still shouldn't have used it as an excuse. I finally put my mind to it ...that I could lose the weight. I did Jenny Craig. Ate 1200 calories a day. Went to the gym 3x a week and still managed to take care of 2 kids under 2 and work 40 hours a week. Now 60lbs off it feels good. You can do it!!! Its definitely the hardest thing in the world but it is so much fun shopping when you don't have to buy size 12 and 14.

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  2. KrisMarch 1, 2011 at 7:46 AM

    Beck I've always loved you for how you express yourself so I'm excited to follow your blogs!

    Go Girl, Luv ya!
    Kris

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  3. devinMarch 1, 2011 at 9:15 AM

    I hear ya!! Although I have it a little different as i have never been pregnant I just gained the weight all on my own. I have always been bigger and I know I will never be skinny either. But that doesnt mean I can't be healthy and loose some weight! I don't drink pop or coffee so those calories never effected me. But I have found that portioning out my foods (6 oz of chicken, 4 oz of beef, fruits and veggies) right when I get home from the grocery store helps. I find if things are cut up and ready to go I am more likely to eat them. We stopped buying junk foods and found healthier choices (like if i want something salty I found the special k cracker chips are a good sub 30 crisps are 100 calories). So far I can see some results, I have gone from a shirt size of womens XXL or 20/22 to and 18, and pants I have gone from a size 20 to a size 18 (which is a little big I am able to fit a 16 at the waist but the legs are a bit tight). Right now I am focusing on eating better because I am limited in what I can physically do (i ruptured my achilles tendon in october while playing softball and am currently in a cast still). This bums me out because for the first time in my life I am actually motivated to exercise and be more active and am unable to. I am no where near my goal but I am headed in the right direction!

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  4. beckerbeeMarch 1, 2011 at 10:40 AM

    Thank you everyone for your comments and support with my intial "fat" blog. This is a sensitive part of my life and deffinately a part that affects every other aspect of my life.

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  5. JenMarch 1, 2011 at 8:28 PM

    Hey if your interested my therapist has a weight loss program threw emotional regulation. I can get you the info. I actually thought of you when i saw the flyer.

    ReplyDelete

Please feel free to leave your thoughts, comments, suggestions, concerns or share your stories. Please remember that weight loss is an emotionally laden subject...be kind...if you can't...don't leave any comments.

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